I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
