I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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