that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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