i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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