You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
