For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We have started to decorate penises.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We're too hungover to prance.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize