don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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