i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Come on in and take your pants off
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