I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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