I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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