did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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