Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
