When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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