**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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