Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he just fucked me for my cheese..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
