I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
