Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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