Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
