It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
