I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
