I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize