I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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