Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
