I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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