she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Welp...herpes.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
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