he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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