Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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