Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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