I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
