That's when you crack a 10am beer
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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