sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
