Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
