Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
