My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
