i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Banned from zoo.
Again?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
