The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
