six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
