Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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