I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
