I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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