I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
