I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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