how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
