there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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