I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
