Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
