Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
