It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
