I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize