So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
