I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The power of my boobs compel you
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
