I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize