thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
