4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
