Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
