it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i dont even know how to be here
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
