wrigley field is MILF paradise
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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