My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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