I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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