How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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