would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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