why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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