I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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