I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I cannot find my penis.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
