he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
