his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
