we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
