Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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