I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
as a side note pls kill me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
