If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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