He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The air was thick with penises
You may now shotgun with the bride
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize