we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
