didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
