I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
