Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
