yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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