Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
