Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
