Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
