im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
