You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
