I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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