is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
