life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
