i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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