I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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