Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
