Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
