You just made me feel so damn special
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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