this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You did what with his pubic hair?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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