Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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