last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
