we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
