Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
