; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
