i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
