There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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