I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
